sobriety

Honestly, sobriety scares the shit out of me. Well, it used to. 

I have come to realize that life is truly better sober. I experience more, feel more, think more clearly, and love more. I do not isolate or disappear from people’s lives. My thoughts are much nicer and my mind is a kinder place. 

In order to do this, it took a lot. I had to cut out places, people, and things. It sucked. It has been a pruning process for a few years now. It has been entirely worth it though. Every moment of it, especially the hard ones. They proved I can make it through, I’m still here breathing. 

Losing people sucked. Losing places too, knowing I cannot and should not be in certain environments. Learning that a drink is not just a drink, it turns into a craving more and more so yea, complete sobriety it is. 

Complete sobriety was hard to come to terms with. I discussed it with my therapist a lot, the fear surrounding it. How will I get through life? What if I relapse after a long time?  I don’t want to lose what I worked so hard for. And yes, that is where taking it one day at a time comes in. We are not to worry about tomorrow, for each day is a worry of its own, and if He cares for the birds, why would He not care for us? (Matthew 6:34, 6:26)

Anxiety. Control issues. Not trusting that God has a plan to prosper, not to harm me, to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). Lamentations 3:25 “The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him.” I was trapped in such a deep pit of darkness with no escape, especially with withdrawals. 

But, there’s nothing cheese, coffee, coconut water, and sour candy can’t do. At least for me. 

Oh yea, and meds. Sometimes, they are needed. And that’s okay. There is no shame in medication. If it helps you, it helps you and that is ALL that matters.

I attend recovery every week. I went to an outpatient program that specialized in mental health and addiction. I discuss my usage with my providers. I do my absolute best not to use. I pray, worship, read the Word, journal, exercise, all of it. 

It still feels like not enough. It is exhausting. 

The program has helped. It is through a church, leading me to truly developing a relationship with Christ. 

I am thankful for all the churches I have attended, they have all led me to this moment, each one dropping their precious message(s). I also feel guilty, to all the people I hurt and abandoned, but I’m not to that step yet haha!

Recovery only works if you commit to it. You have to commit to your sobriety. You have to fight the urges, breathe through the tough times. They say it takes changing people, places, and things, and I’m telling you it does. Change as much as you can. 

Movement has also really helped. I have been doing Pilates and walking. I am trying to step up my fitness game though, throw in some weight lifting and early morning jog. Any movement is good movement, so keep movin’!

Having ambitions has contributed to my success. My dreams of being a wife and mother motivate me the most. And smoking was taking that away from me.

The emotions within early sobriety have been crazy. I have been crying so much. I didn’t even know I had this much water in me! I do like how my brain bounces back so much faster from these moments. They don’t feel as permanent. 

I am looking for both a job and an apartment. Taking big steps. All thanks to sobriety. All thanks to God. He is SOOOO good! 

It is also Biblical to be sober minded: 

• 2 Timothy 4:5 “As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.”

• 1 Peter 5:8 “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 
• 1 Thessalonians 5:8 “But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation.” 

We are called to be present and alert. No mind-altering substances, no drunkenness. It sounds unexciting and boring, but it truly brings so much joy and freedom. I am a whole different person when sober, a better one, thank the Lord. 

If you are in recovery or are considering sobriety, keep going or do it. It’s worth it. It really is. You deserve good things.